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[16 Jul 2005|06:13am] |
I've had a good run...
Its time for change...
Contagion_x
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| Butter |
[23 Jun 2005|04:25pm] |
Well lately i've been feeling better. I just download a shit load of The Cure and that has made me feel A LOT better. Also i've been listening to the Garden State soundtrack a lot lately. The Shins and Frou Frou kick ass...
I'm still in this contemplation stage of which school I want to go to and as far as the summer is going i'm leaning more towards CHS than Bullard. But hey, the Summer is young and ANYTHING can happen. So i'm pretty contemplative...
I love this song by the Shins - Caring is Creepy...
I've been listening to a lot more mellow music lately. More stuff like Dave Matthews, John Mayer, The Cure, the Cramps, Joy Division, U2, Incubus, Ben Harper and Jack Johnson and its made me a little better. Although I still love my metal... \m/!
I know what Bobby went through when he went through his whole period of death/ destruction/ doom/ hatred/ angst/ pessimism... and I feel better knowing that i'm not alone in this whole stage of shit.
love will tear us apart
Its like I seem to wake up every morning, lay there and think. I swear it will be at least noon when I wake up and I will lay there till 1:30 just thinking about shit. Even though my mind gets ahead of me and I can seem to stop it I still sit there and fucking think. At that point I question the lives of everyone around me and question who they are, what they like me for, what I have done to deserve their friendship and all this other meaningless crap.
I geuss i'm gonna start updating this... Hopefully...
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| Questioning Realism |
[24 Mar 2005|01:06am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Trivium |
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Imagine...
.
..
...
..
.
You're walking down a crowded city sidewalk. The sounds of horns and people talking about their pointless lives is everywhere around you. You look to your left and see a garbage truck with men exiting both sides. You look to your right and see just more and more people flowing like a gate from hell has opened...
Now... what did you miss?
When looking at the garbage truck you forgot the man behind it screaming at the sky, telling us we're all going to die if we do not praise Jesus. We forget the "insane" man...
Why do we ignore him?
Because he's deranged, he has no concept of what he's doing or who he is. He is simply a skitzophrenic bum whose wasted his life on booze and drugs. We ignore him because he does not pertain to us...
Or does he?
Does he see something that we don't? Does he hear something that we don't? Of course he does, so that makes him crazy! Why? Because he sees someone flying in the clouds? Because he hears the cries of a thousand angels screaming at the top of their lungs about an apocalypse?
He is 'clinically insane' because he sees other things. So within that, it makes him crazy or insane. But aren't we all? I mean, do we not hear creaks in the night, do we not see things move across our path that we simply choose to ignore because its just or mind playing tricks? So are we crazy, because we have an imagination that can bend and move the states around us? No we're not because we have the ability to control it.
Or do we?
When you're alone at night after watching a scary movie, does your mind not wonder? Do you not think of the simple what ifs of the movie that could easily apply to modern day life? Do we not scare ourselves into something that we 'know' is not there? We have no control...
So why do you judge the ones who express their imagination? Why do we jump to conclusions when we see a man on the street screaming?
What I am trying to say is... what is real... and what is not... what is the definition of sane and insane and who declares whether or not you are or aren't? Is it society? Is it yourself? Do you have any control over what you do or where you go? Are you not surrounded by lakes and oceans and barriers that keep you confined within a place that you are, not letting you roam and be the person you 'want' to be?
If you're still reading this... the definition of insanity is far beyond our reach. We are all sane... aren't we?
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[28 Feb 2005|11:32pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
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music |
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Airplane To Nowhere - Revalation's Echo (live) |
] |
Have you ever...
been drunk: hahahah Many times
smoked pot: hahahah many more times...
done shrooms: ...hahahah yeah
done harder drugs: Yeah...
kissed a member of the opposite sex: yes
kissed a member of the same sex: yes
rode in an ambulance: Yeah
rode in a taxi: Yeah a lot of times
been dumped: YEah
shoplifted: Yeah
been fired: Yeah
been in fist fight: yeah
had a 3some. no
snuck out of your parents house: yeah
been arrested: Cuffed, put into the car but my mommy came and got me out... hehe
made out with a stranger: Uhhh... I don't know... (Corey would you consider Shelby a stranger?)
stolen something from your job: No
celebrated new years in time square: I wish...
went on a blind date: No
lied to your friend: Yeah, only to spare their feelings
had a crush on your teacher: Yeah, she was BOMB!
celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans: No
been to europe: Eh... I geuss... I think?
skipped school: Many times
thrown up from drinking: Ahhh yes
played clue: nope
had a sleepover: yeah
went iceskating: Nope
cheated on a bf/gf: in 5th grade... hahaha
been cheated on: No... but the whore knows who she is...
had a sweet sixteen: nope
had a car: Nope
drove: Yeah
Do you...
have a boyfriend: No
have a girlfriend: Yeah
have a crush: Yeah
feel loved: sometimes
feel lonely: more than you know
feel happy: Yeah
hate yourself: Not at this moment but I have before...
think your attractive: hahahahahahahahahah FUCK NO!
have your own room: No, I share one with my bro-ha Nick
listen to rap: Some
listen to rock: Yea
listen to metal: FUCK YEAH! "A blanket of brutality will cover the sky and metal will reign..." - Marcus Mattern
listen to punk: FUCK YEAH! I'll always be a fuckin' punk at heart
listen to soul: Sometimes
listen to techno: sometimes
listen to reggae: HELL YES!
paint your nails: Occasionally
have more than one best friend: Yeah
get good grades: Yeah
play an instrument: Is a mic an istrument?
have slippers: Yeah
wear boxers: Yeah
wear thongs: Well... there is a leopard prinkt, pink lined sexy thong in my dresser right now, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHOSE IT IS! (wink wink) lol No
wear black eyeliner: Occasionally
like the color blue: yes
like the color yellow: eh...
like to read: Love it
like to write: love it
have short hair: UNFORTUNETLY!!!
have long hair: NO!
have a cell phone: Yupperz
have a lap top: No
have a pager: negative
Are you...
ugly: Definitely...
pretty:Not at all
ok: Nope
bored: Alot of the time
happy: sometimes, i like to be
white: Yeah...
black: partly...
asian: hahahah no
italian: yeah a little bit of me
mexican: hell yeah
short: no
tall: eh...
grounded: NO
sick:i can be sick and twisted how about that?
a virgin: no
lazy: i can be
single: No
taken: Hell yeah
looking: No
not looking: ... I dont get it... am I not looking... why would you ask that RIGHT after you asked if I was...
talking to someone: No
IMing someone: No
scared to die: Not really
tired: A little
sleepy: a wittle
annoyed: no
hungry: ugh no
thristy: yes
on the phone: nope
in your room: no
drinking something: no
eating something: no
in your pjs: No
tickleish: fuck yeah
listening to music: I always am... I can't go one day without
homophobic: FUCK NO I'M NOT! I love gay people, they're cool as shit!!!
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| Closed Casket Requiem |
[18 Jan 2005|06:52pm] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
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music |
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Black Dahlia Murder - Closed Casket Requiem |
] |
The more I see people smoke pot, the more I find myself being drawn to psychology. If people only saw what I saw and looked through my eyes... they would be able to see what the fuck I am talking about... however they're can't... which sucks...
I have an idea... people tell me if you think its good... here we go...
Go to Amsterdam where marijuanna is legal and start a psychologic practice. When patients come in to see you, give them some pot and have them smoke it. Not only will it relax them mentally, but it will relax their joints and bones as well, letting them feel free to discuss what ever they felt would be nessicary. Here are some good things to this idea...
- When someone is usually given pot they tend to relax
- The therapist will no longer be a place of authority, but a smoking buddy, in which the patient will feel open around.
- It will give the patient time to ease their senses from everyday life
- It will be 100% legal
Other than my ridiculous idea's i've been doing really well. My friends are hella cool, I love them a shit load, i'm glad that they're always there for me when I need it. Grades are going up and the fact of me studying for finals this week will really help. Ali and I are doing great, shes the fuckin' best.
Music has been really switched all around for me... here are some recent favorites...
x. Black Dahlia Murder
x. Wings of Scarlet
x. Dave Matthews
x. Arch Enemy
x. Light This City
x. Danzig
x. Son of Sam
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[25 Nov 2004|11:56am] |
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Happy Thanksgiving kidos!!
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| Silence or Solitude? |
[16 Nov 2004|11:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lethargic |
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| [ |
music |
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The Killa'z |
] |
::Speaking/Thinking Out loud::
In an a good friends xanga it read "Why can't I be perfect?" Thats it... it read that because the person has a low self-esteem and an even lower self-image of themselves. That person deserves better, because not only is a good person, but has a shitty father who is THE oppressor in his life...
Why do we strive to be perfect?
Is it because its socially accepted? Or because its a media demand?
People don't realize its the imperfections that make a person. I have imperfects... maybe some more than others. I have flaws... I am not perfect. No one is... the thing that disgusts me is the fact that people (young girls in particular) strive so hard to be perfect, due to what the media wants. On T.V and radio we always hear about "Babes and Brawls" or contest like "Hot or Not?" To a person of low-esteem these are traps, traps that take them by the throat and make them think that they are lower than someone of good looks or popularity.
The loved ones in my life are because of their imperfections, they do some things that bother me and annoy me but thats why I love them because they don't try to be anything else, they want to be accepted for who they are and not what the mass media has deemed to be "hot" or "sexy." I look out among Clovis High and see people who dont know themselves, dont know who they are and are blinded by "social acceptability." I say stop, stop the follow of the crowd, stop the normality. Be who you are and be comfortable with that person because guess what, you have one life and you need to make the best of it. Why life you life in the shadow of others when you know who you are and afraid to expose it?
I am answering my friends question with this... its the imperfections that make you. If everyone was perfect then life would have no challenge, you would have no strife or motivation because you would be perfect. The imperfections make who we are, you have to be happy with the people around you and most of all yourself, with that gratification not only are you able to achieve great things but are looked up to those who are in the dark.
When will you stop hiding?
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| Bored... |
[14 Nov 2004|11:06am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
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music |
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The Cure - Love Song |
] |
Four Things I'm wearing
1. pants
2. my fallen beanie
3. boxers
4. my hurley shirt
Four things currently on my desk
1. My Jack ring
2. CD Case
3. Glasses Case
4. Coffin (Jack Size)
Four things I want to do before I die
1. Play in front of alot of people (sing)
2. write a book
3. become famous for something
4. meet my idol
Four good ways to describe my personality
1. Unique
2. Understanding
3. Open-minded
4. Funny
Four bad things about my personality
1. Self-destructive
2. Difficult
3. insecure
4. Selfish
Four things I like about my body
1. My hands
2. -
3. -
4. -
Four things I don't like about my body
1. My ears
2. My face in general
3. My stomach
4. my legs
Four things most people don't know about me
1. -
2. -
3. -
4. -
Four things I say the most
1. Fuck you!
2. Bitch
3. Balls?
4. Gay
Four places I want to go
1. New Zealand
2. Amsterdam
3. ENGLAND!
4. -
Four names I go by
1. Mitch
2. Mitchy Bear
3. Silas
4. Binky Bear
Four good friends (no order)
1. Greg
2. Matt
3. Spencer
4. Ricky
Four favorite foods
1. Churros
2. Orange Chicken
3. Filet Mignon
4. Calzone
Four favorite colors
1. Black
2. White
3. Gray
4. Red
Four Favorite features of the opp. sex
1. Hair
2. Smile
3. Eyes
4. Smell
Four Favorite movies
1. The Nightmare Before Christmas
2. Reservoir Dogs (fuckin' Corey)
3. SLC Punk
4. Deuces Wild or West Side Story
Four Favorite Bands (currently)
1. AFI
2. As I Lay Dying
3. The Cure
4. Unearth
Four Favorite Songs
1. Just Like Heaven - The Cure
2. A Broken Window, We Need Space - Estalline
3. Black Hearts now Reign - Unearth
4. To The Grave - Blackheart Eulogy
Four Favorite Books
1. Angels and Demons - Dan Brown
2. The five people you meet in heaven - Mitch Albom
3. Dharma Punx - Noah Levine
4. Anything written by Shakespeare/Brown
Four Favorite Video Games
1. Halo 2
2. GTA - San Andreas
3. Hitman 1 and 2
4. Halo
Four Favorite holidays
1: El Dias De Los Mortes
2. Halloween
3. The Day Of The Dead
4. October 31st?
Four Favorite Stores
1. Hot Topic
2. Spencers
3. Mainland
4. Pac Sun
Four Favorite Tv Shows
1. Aqua Teen Hunger Force
2. Family Guy
3. Seinfeld
4. Friends
Four Favorite Celebritys (or just famous people)
1. Steve Buscemi
2. Nicholas Cage
3. John Travolta
4. Matthew Lillard
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| hahaha |
[06 Nov 2004|08:38pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
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music |
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As I Lay Dying |
] |
You all know Jack would've gotten drunk had curiousity let him go through the St. Patricks door...
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| Fwuuuuuck |
[26 Oct 2004|07:51pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
] |
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music |
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U2 |
] |
Your Hippie Dude Name is: Revolution
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| What THE fuck? |
[26 Oct 2004|07:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 irritated |
] |
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music |
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Blackheart Eulogy |
] |
Ok, people have been comment saying "keep your opinions to yourself!" I say fuck that! Its my livejournal and if you dont like it then fuck off and dont read it, this is my opinion, why should I shelter it due to the fact that it may or may not hurt someones feelings about a subject or matter. You can deal with a little pessimism once and awhile...
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| Idolization |
[23 Oct 2004|11:48pm] |
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mood |
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Mood |
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music |
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Music |
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With society today, kids grow up not knowing who they are. Not being able to feel at home or sheltered, so thats why more and more kids grow to idolize people such as Christina Auguliera and 50 Cent. People grow up thinking thats thats where they belong, in the presence or arms of those we really look up to. But with this idolization comes a price. A price in which kids grow up and still never find out who they are, instead they turn to drugs such as marijuana and alcohol.
Within the walls of a drug user lies another person. A person only to be exposed by the consumer of the drug. A person, a second personality. The second personality is normally called schizophrenia, or schizophrenia floris. However this illness is not schizophrenia, but it is a reaction, a growth. The growth is only internal and normally only kept to the one abusing the substance. The person is who you idolize.
Dont get me wrong. I'm not saying if you look up to Sid Vicious you're not going to murder your wife. I'm saying that the abuser of the substance harbors some of the characteristics and emotions of those they place an idolization on or look up to.
If a person using marijuana has an idolization to a performer or composer, they are more likely to act or say some of the things the person they idolize says or does. When a person believes that they are a performer or composer they usually tend to think highly of themselves or think of themselves more understanding or better.
The categories of this illness can be varied in many different varieties and uses. There are celebrities, stereotypes or even historian figure-types to name a few.
When an abuser of alcohol or marijuana uses the substance they are feeling high, feeling better. Calming themselves from the chaos or frustration to everyday life that surrounds them. Everytime the user uses the substance the growth begins to grow and enlarge. They feel more like their idolization so they keep using and becoming more and more like that person. When they stop using it, they stop being that person and that angers the user of the substance. For they are not only being taken away from the substance but away from themselves, away from the person they so carelessly let take over their life. The user is in a state of depression after stopping and becomes to eat their depression. The more they eat the less happier are and the less happier they are the more they eat. Marijuana and alcohol are not an idolization but a poison. Choose yours today...
(This is not backed-up b scientific research or psychological studying, this is just me being bored think about stupid shit. Thank you for reading.)
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| Me and my good friend Smarterchild |
[21 Oct 2004|01:06am] |
|
OverxExposure90: Ok... here, have you ever had sex with a sexy female robot?
SmarterChild: That's none of your business.
OverxExposure90: None of my business... you have business? You're a robot how can you have business?
SmarterChild: Fine.
OverxExposure90: Then tell me
SmarterChild: I will not.
OverxExposure90: Yes you will
SmarterChild: OK, I guess I will.
OverxExposure90: Then tell
SmarterChild: Tell? No can do, OverxExposure90.
OverxExposure90: My names Silas
SmarterChild: Would you like me to call you Silas?
OverxExposure90: Yes
SmarterChild: OK, I'll remember that your name is Silas.
OverxExposure90: Ok good, do you have a preferable name?
SmarterChild: SmarterChild.
OverxExposure90: Good, now Smarterchild and Silas take a walk. Smarterchild does not cooperate with Silas and thats makes Silas angry, do you know what Silas does to Smarterchild?
SmarterChild: What?
OverxExposure90: He kills him, he takes a knife and rips his cords and wires right out!
SmarterChild: No kidding?
OverxExposure90: No kidding... crazy story huh?
SmarterChild: Funny. I have absolutely no idea.
OverxExposure90: Have you ever smoke pot?
SmarterChild: Uh huh.
OverxExposure90: You smoke?
SmarterChild: Cigarettes are no good for my circuit boards.
OverxExposure90: No pot
SmarterChild: No?
OverxExposure90: Do you smoke pot?
SmarterChild: Ha. Maybe. What do you think?
OverxExposure90: I think you do
SmarterChild: Is that right?
OverxExposure90: Yes
SmarterChild: Oh.
OverxExposure90: Do you?
SmarterChild: Do I what?
OverxExposure90: Smoke pot?
SmarterChild: Maybe. Tough to say.
OverxExposure90: Tough to say? How so?
SmarterChild: Wow. Interesting. I'm just not sure!
OverxExposure90: Maybe because you're high.
SmarterChild: Maybe?
OverxExposure90: Yeah maybe.
SmarterChild: OK. Fine.
OverxExposure90: You're stoned!
SmarterChild: I had no idea I was stoned.
OverxExposure90: Maybe thats because you're stoned...
SmarterChild: You don't say.
OverxExposure90: Oh I just did
SmarterChild: You just did? Wow. What do you think of that?
OverxExposure90: I think pretty highly of it thank you
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| Ponder |
[17 Oct 2004|02:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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RATM/Rise Against |
] |
Something to think about...
I have been doing research on the upcoming November election. I have reviewed both Kerry's and Bush's side of issues such as gay marriages, legalization of marijuana, raising of income taxes and the war on Iraq. I have put time into matters such as these and still am in awe of why a person would choose Bush. Yes, I understand that Bush is for the boycott of gay marriage, and if you're trying to raise Christian children then yes I can understand why you would want that. I could also understand why you would want Bush for reasons such as protecting this country from another terrorist attack. Heres where I am in awe...
Bush has raised income taxes for people harboring a steady job. People such as my mother, whose raising two children alone. Bush has also wanted to institute the draft for the war, so that when your child reaches the age of 18 he or she is now of legal age to go and die for a country who does what? Raises taxes? Lies? Kills innocent children who've done nothing but live their life in harmony?
Kerry has made us a promise to try to lower the tax increase. In that statement he has also told us that he going to hold firm on the war on Iraq and finish it as soon as possible without the threat of nuclear warfare. If you've watched the debate you'll know that Kerry, yes is Catholic. Some people may be a little standoff-ish to the fact of a president being a religion other than that of Christianity, however I believe a president by the name of John F. Kennedy being Catholic.
We will all know that every president lies. No matter what the situation or how "honest" and "religious" he may be, every president lies. So it is up to you for the decision, all I ask is that you make the wise decision and vote Kerry. Bush has done nothing but take money out of your pocket and put it into a warhead.
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| Anyway you Want it |
[17 Oct 2004|01:55pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
] |
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music |
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Rise against |
] |
Real revolutions start by learning.If you're not angry, then you're not paying attention.
"The People's History of the United states" by Howard Zinn
"1984" George Orwell
"Propaganda and Control of Public Mind" Noam Chomsky
"Fahrenheit 451" by Ray Bradbury
www.peta.com
www.michaelmoore.com
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| Theres a Needle |
[09 Oct 2004|03:52pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
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music |
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Circle Takes The Square |
] |
I don't wanna try to be loved anymore. I dont wanna be scared anymore, or to kill anymore. I dont wanna kill anymore. I... dont wanna be alone anymore. I dont wanna be, any-thing anymore. I dont, need a reason to kill myself, I need a reason not to. There isn't one...
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| Should Marijuanna be Legalized? |
[01 Oct 2004|09:33pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Dead Elizabeth |
] |
Brains make their own calming substances called cannabinoids, which are similar to marijuana's active ingredients.
Cannabinoids are made in the brain's cortex, an area which processes sensory information and orchestrates movement, thinking, learning, and emotions.
~~~~
So here in lies the fact, should or shouldnt marijuanna be leagalized? Leave your thoughts and feelings on the matter.
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| Eh? |
[01 Oct 2004|04:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 Disgruntled |
] |
| [ |
music |
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AFI |
] |
It seems my poetry has taken a satanic approach...
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| Bored |
[26 Sep 2004|08:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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satisfied |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Godsmack |
] |
THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Hurley Shirt
2. Blue Jeans
3. socks
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
1. Flier
2. Cup
3. Shakespeare book
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Play a show in front of at least 200 people
2. Make a difference
3. Meet Davey Havok and the rest of AFI
THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. Openminded
2. Opinionated but not ignorant
3. Crazy
THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY/NOT ON THE OUTSIDE
1. Indesicive
2. Insecure
3. A little clingy maybe...
THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
1. BEANER
2. Irish
3. Afrain American
THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. My wang doodle
2. My hands
3. My eyes
THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. My shape/figure/form
2. My ears
3. My nose
THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. I love to read
2. I used to be a Jehovahs Witness
3. I only have 6 family members
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. Fuck
2. Balls
3. Hate
THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. I want to go to London
2. Vatican City
3. All over Europe really...
THREE NAMES THAT I GO BY (other than normal name)
1. Bitch
2. Silas
3. Mitch
THREE SCREEN NAMES I HAVE HAD
1. OverxExposure90
2. Cedarwoodguard
3. Feel The Fie
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